| It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either. | humor |
| It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right. | life |
| It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble. | humor |
| It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible. | character |
| It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one. | character |
| It is our nature to conform; it is a force which not many can successfully resist. What is its seat? The inborn requirement of self-approval. | character |
| It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet. | life |
| It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. | life |
| It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. | humor |
| It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races. | life |
| Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can read. | life |
| Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one -- this is business. | humor |
| Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head. | life |
| Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. | love |
| Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. | character |
| Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied. | character |
| Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime. | life |
| My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Everybody drinks water. | success |
| My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. | humor |
| Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. | humor |
| Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it. | character |
| Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid. | humor |
| Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. | humor |
| Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size. | life |
| OCTOBER 12, THE DISCOVERY. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. | humor |
| Obscurity and competence: That is the life that is worth living. | character |
| Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. | humor |
| Often the less there is to justify a traditional custom the harder it is to get rid of it. | life |
| Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. | humor |
| On with dance, let joy be unconfined, is my motto; whether there's any dance to dance or any joy to unconfine. | humor |